It’s 2 am; as usual I’m awake because this just like many other nights, my insomnia won’t let me sleep.
After a few turns on my bed, I decided to unplug my phone from the charger. I needed a thing to get my mind off my daily scary thoughts and what better than my phone?
On the notification bar there’s an Instagram request, it happened to be the only interesting thing popping on my screen. I clicked to check it out, couldn’t help but smile, the first time I smiled in the past two weeks of long counseling sessions and boring company. It was a request from a guy I’ve had a crush on for as long as I can remember.

Everyone in the village thinks I’m an introvert, but of course I do have emotions, emotions I try as much as I can to restrain from the rest of the world.
A loner is what I had chosen to be because, since I turned twelve I never came across anyone worth creating connections with, not even my own family.
Soon as I accepted his request his first message popped in.
“I didn’t think you’d respond that fast”, it read.
I was excited to respond back immediately but my ego could not let me. Vanny was not backing down either, four more messages from him popped in. I still wasn’t going to respond until I saw his last text. He composed it in a way that tore down my ego, a part of me felt guilty for ignoring him that long. There he was, feeling like he’s less of a human, not worth my attention (while it should be the other way round) as he had clearly written in his text. Deep down I knew he was too much for me; He was one of those big dreams that excite us but never come to pass. Why on earth would a handsome genius like him go for a high school dropout with no dreams? He was every girl’s dream boyfriend in the estate while I on the other hand was a hopeless drug addict unable to reform even after several rehabilitation.

Then came this thought that maybe my mother is trying to use Vanny (His dad was our preacher) to get me off my so called unbearable habits. It wouldn’t be the first time she does this. I only hoped she realized doing that would never help.
“We can’t hang out tomorrow, I’ve got a counseling session and you know I can’t say no to my mother.” I finally responded.
“Counseling?! You’re going through some shit? I can help if you let me. “
“Drug shit, you’ve known that for almost a decade now Vanny, everyone around here does. Anyway I don’t need help, thank you” As I clicked to send this message I felt my petals lock back into their lonely position.
I was already out of moods for this conversation, he has come to patch my dark pieces right on my face and I wasn’t going to let him. Does he think he’s a better counselor? He was up to a big failure, I’ve been through uncountable counseling sessions but I still managed to sneak out to liquor stores, let alone the times I’ve stood before masses at the pulpit because dad thought I had this demon in me that needed to be cursed out.
“If you don’t need help with that then just be my friend.”
“Vanny, you know what I do any time I’m out of these walls?? I SMOKE! No one wants to spend their free time besides a boring smoker”
…end of episode 1…

To be continued

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Author

  • A lady with an intense passion for writing. If by writing I can touch a soul in the end I'm a fulfilled being knowing I have tabled the best I could.

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